this nagging knowingness


A clippety clop it goes

a clippety clop it goes
this nagging knowingness

a drip-dropping aloneness
a still-of-night remoteness

a head-flopping heaviness
this nagging knowingness

a shrunken world below us
a carved-out hollowness within us

this socketless electricity 
this unyearned-for-loss 

a clippety clop it goes
a clippety clop it goes
this nagging knowingness

it can end

this nagging knowingness it can end


Days had a darkness

Days had a darkness. Sun stayed set from the day just passed or it could be days passed. I could not recall the last time I spoke. I heard people talking to me, felt their gaze, but without wanting to, I ignored them. Their eyes I avoided. Their eyes were the only lights I saw. And those eyes saw me. And I did not want to be seen. A shudder would arrive in my heart if our eyes should meet. If I could have, I would have carried my head under my arms with my eyes firmly set on the ground below me. 


Days had a darkness

179 words

+ When you left, when you left him, did you know it was forever? 
- When I met him, the first time, when he walked into the room, it was like the first time I had ever seen a man. And when his eyes met mine, it was as if he had given me the gift of sight. The gift to see, to see him. But ya, the longer you look the more that is revealed, and the more that gets concealed, you know.
- I never thought I would leave. I feared he would leave me, of course. Why wouldn’t he? So, did I know it was forever? What is forever?
What is forever? I mean, not to go back? To stay apart.
- Apart? Never. Never apart. He is never distant from me. We are never separate. I carry him everywhere. Does it weigh? Does it burden me? No. But to answer your question – not go back? Back to him, always. Back to us, to what we were, always. Back to what I left, never.


What is forever?